Biggest Sin In Your Car?

"Matthew Keyser" (teisco15) 10/06/2015 at 19:41 • Filed to: None

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I have a very basic set of rules in my car. No eating, no beverages without lids, all the basics. I also have a personal pet peeve which is when one window is rolled down, and the other is left up leaving the air no choice but to beat the living crap out of my sensative eardrums.

I have a friend that breaks every single one of these rules seemingly every time he is in my car. Today however he crossed the line putting his leather dress shoes on my dashboard.

The only worse infraction is forgetting to put on your seatbelt, which is punishable by my stopping in the middle of the road refusing to budge until I hear a positive click.

What are the rules you have set in your car?

My citroen won't start > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 19:45

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Touching the AC settings, feet on dash, food, beverages without caps, telling me to close the sunroof, “drive slower”

jkm7680 > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 19:51

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1. No food

2. No drinks except water

3. No feet on dash

4. No messing with AC and radio controls, (depends on who you are)

5. Telling me how to drive.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 19:51

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Pick up your trash, and no country music. And don’t yell “oh my god” or something like that.

Viggen > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 19:53

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1. Pick up your trash. Failure to do so results in being blacklisted from riding in my car, which sucks for those who need rides to work.

2. Putting feet anywhere other than floor is forbidden. Blacklisting is punishment for first violation.

3. No tobacco products or vaping. Blacklisting is punishment for first violation.

4. You are authorized to play your music so long as I enjoy the genre. However you are not authorized to adjust the volume. Adjusting it on your own results in music being muted.

5. Slamming doors, rubbing bags against the bodywork, or food spillage can result in blacklisting.

Brian, The Life of > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 19:57

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AAAYYYYIIIEEEEE - DEATH TO THE HEATHEN!!!

As for the window thing, I’ve done that on purpose (when by myself). If I’m on a long drive and start feeling sleepy ... it wakes me right the heck up :)

Sam > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 19:57

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I had someone decide that having ashtrays means that smoking is acceptable. I threw his cigarettes out the window before he could light it.

Tuned-Port-Injected-Rage > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:08

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1. No food whatsoever.

2. No feet ANYWHERE but the floor.

3. DO NOT touch the climate controls or the radio unless I say you can.

4. DO NOT put your fingers on my glass.

5. DO NOT tell me how to drive unless you are giving me directions.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:09

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Keep yo stanky feet off my dash

Touch my radio without me saying to or asking and you’re getting hit

Climate controls except for your seat heater are off limits. Cold? Hot? Best adjust your clothing and not my temp

No seatbelt? I’m not moving

Don’t close my windows or sunroof because it’s loud or too windy. Just because the switches are all within reach doesn’t mean you’re allowed to touch them

Don’t ever, ever, ever bitch about how I drive. Don’t like it? Take the bus or walk

I don't mind food or drink, but if you spill something, clean the shit up

PowderHound > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:10

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Don’t roll up the windows and turn on the AC. It doesn’t work just don’t even try, try to enjoy the wind.

The thing in the middle is a turbo timer. No I don’t know what hkpa is, hectakilopascals?haha. All I know is that one hkpa is roughly 17psi. It beeps because BOOST. Every single person asks me this

If my car is dirty at the time feel free to leave some trash as I will probably be cleaning it out soon. If not, don’t leave shit in my car.

Craig Stampfli > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:12

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These are all valid points, however I wouldn’t be able to drive with that gearknob twisted off centre as shown above. I’m in no way OCD (not that there isn’t anything wrong with that), but come on, the numbers and lines don’t line up with the throw.

Under_Score > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:13

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I put my feet on the dash all the time when I’m riding around with my mom. I’ve accidentally set off the hazards button a few times (because the hazards button is on the right side. Should be on the left side, where the blank (4WD lock on AWD models) is).

TheJWT > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:14

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No one ever rides in my car...

Matthew Keyser > Craig Stampfli 10/06/2015 at 20:14

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It moves a little bit after a while because of the way I put my hand when changing gear or whatever, so I’ll occasionally turn it back. It’s an endless cycle really.

Master Cylinder > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:15

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If I ever divorce my wife, this will be recorded in the court papers as a contributing factor to the breakdown of the relationship.

Patrick Nichols > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:18

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Mine’s pretty lenient:

no smoking

no leaving your trash anywhere but the trash bag I have on the shifter

my music or radio station of choice

if you are sitting shotgun, you are obligated to pay attention to the gps if we’re going someplace new (I mute it so it doesn’t interrupt music or radio)

If you want to complain about getting in the backseat of my 2 door golf, don’t ask me to drive/DD. I have no problem letting you drive if you don’t drink and I’ll gladly get drunk and ride in the back. Hell, if I know you well enough you can even DD my car and I’ll still sit in the back.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:20

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SEAT BELT.

Garbage goes into the garbage bag, or stays with you.

NO SLAMMING DOORS.

Matthew Keyser > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/06/2015 at 20:21

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I don’t understand how people don’t wear seatbelts. It’s ridiculous.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:22

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Do not use your bare toes to make sweaty toe prints on the inside of my windshield.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:23

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Telling me how to drive, no open top beverages (barring cans), food eating to a minimum (maybe on a road trip), don’t fuck with my music, and no smoking .

However, mess with ac all you want, 4 zone climate control bitch !

Above all else, if you put your feet on any part of my car other than the floor you will be summarily executed and then fired into the sun for good measure.

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:26

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TBH i really don’t have any

i mean there’s really no way to make the interior of my car any worse than it already is

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:29

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Testing my ballistic glass with anything larger than .40 caliber.

Baeromez > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:29

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‘Ass, gas, or grass, nobody rides for free.’

jkm7680 > jkm7680 10/06/2015 at 20:35

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Also Viggen’s 1, 3 and 5 stand in my car also.

911e46z06 > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:41

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Depends on the car. If you touch the window of my Porsche, I’ll kill you slowly. But you and 6 of your closest friends could have a jello wrestling match in the back of my Tahoe, and I wouldn’t give two shits.

No animals in any of my rigs though. I’m allergic. I don’t care how much you love Fluffy, pickup bed only.

ranwhenparked > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:54

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Not putting the rear seat headrest back down after you get out. It gets in the way, and I hate reaching back there to do that.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 20:58

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Smoking.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 21:03

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I understand perfectly. It’s more comfortable. But:

Obviously it's safer.

From a driver’s point of view you get more control .

Here, if you are under 16 and aren’t wearing a seat belt the driver gets the ticket.

Frankly if you’re over 16, I don’t care. I’m not paying if you get caught, and it's your funeral if we crash.

Fookin' Prawns > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 21:14

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If you don't tell me to put the top up, it stays down. Also, you can suggest songs but don't touch the radio.

Matthew Keyser > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 10/06/2015 at 21:23

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Same here for 18 and under. I’m 17 so I’m not going anywhere without everyone wearing a seatbelt. If I’m getting a ticket it’s not going to be something stupid like “Passenger not wearing a seatbelt” it's going to be something I can frame.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 21:39

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All of the above. Also, radio belongs to the driver.

Scary__goongala! > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 21:41

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Slamming doors. My roommate slams the ever loving shit out of my passenger door. It ain’t freaking necessary.

wiffleballtony > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 21:43

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Eating and drinking is expressly prohibited. I don’t even eat or drink in the car. Fortunately, 95% of the time my only passenger is my wife who is of a similar mindset. Whenever we think we need more than two seats, it’s not my car not my problem. Mustang lyfe. I’ve never met someone who has done the feet on the dash, but that would be not allowed. You can choose music but I can veto at any time.

VS > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 21:57

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No smoking, no soups/non solid foods, feet on dash reserved only for those who get my D wet.

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 22:00

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1. No yelling

2. No saying, “When I ride with so and so they drive like this”

3. I chose the music

4. Either we talk, or the radio does. Never both

5. No food, only water for drinks

6. Do not, under ANY circumstances touch ANY glass

7. Feet on the floor

8. I chose the AC/heat settings

9. Don’t open any thing you don’t need to (glove box, sunglasses holder, etc)

10. Always expect sudden acceleration

Gizmo - The Only Good Gremlin, but don't feed me after Midnight > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 22:12

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OH PLEASE, ITS A DAMN APPLIANCE!!

Smoke, eat, drink, fart, play with the stereo.... who cares. Hooptie, daily, or even the $100+k car. I’ll enjoy the time behind the wheel, the roar of the engine, the feel of the drive... you can do what you want, just buckle up first.

If the temp is over 70*F, be prepared to ride with the top down. And don’t bother bitchin’ when I decide to go the long way through the twisties.

The Compromiser > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 23:12

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Driver picks the tunes. Everyone shuts their piehole.

No singing along allowed, unless the driver sings.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Matthew Keyser 10/06/2015 at 23:18

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Luckily nobody has decided to place their feet on my car’s dashboard.

I only have 2 rules:

1) Put on your seatbelt.

2) DO NOT TOUCH THE GLASS.

You can eat, drink and sleep in the car. Just DO NOT touch the glass. Unfortunately some people cannot follow that second rule. Annoys me so much.

ResidentPony > Matthew Keyser 10/07/2015 at 00:07

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No sticky, meltable, or spillable food, hell no to any dairy products - your coffee spill I can probably mop up even if you’ve earned another ember of my undying hatred, but have you smelled milk after a couple of days?

And the same rules as any camping trip - you pack out what you pack in.

I did recently start breaking my “no smoking” rule. I have a hellish commute that often turns into a two-hour parking lot, so sometimes I’ll indulge in a cigar. With all the windows down. And the moonroof open, and the AC on and replacing the interior air filter frequently, and with a Stinky Cigar Ashtray that’s got Listerine sloshing around in the bottom.

If you see someone in gridlock wiping down their dashboard with a wet rag and a spray bottle, and a lit cigar in their other hand, give me a wave.

Poache E (O)\===/(O) > Matthew Keyser 10/07/2015 at 01:18

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In the tundra, you smoke with me. If you don’t like it you can bounce around in the bed with my junk.

In my 911, you leave it like the clean room environment to which I’ve restored it or you’re walking home. No smoking, eating, dirty shoes, whining about the speed, touching the Windows, slamming the doors, chewing gum, moulting, nail painting, hair brushing, just be.

CawaLimon > Matthew Keyser 10/07/2015 at 01:23

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1. No feet on dash (how is this still a thing?)

2. Don’t distract the driver

3. No smoking/vaping, etc.

4. Nothing that can potentially damage the interior

pip bip - choose Corrour > Matthew Keyser 10/07/2015 at 05:14

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no smoking.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Matthew Keyser 10/07/2015 at 17:37

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1. I try to enforce the no eating and no drinks with out lids, but sometimes those get broken with people I trust not to mess my car.

2. If your feet are on my dash I will kick you out after cutting off said feet.

3. With exception of the S.O. don’t change the climate control. Wear a jacket if you’re cold (I love AC)

4. Seat belts are mandatory

5. It’s my car = my music

6. I will drive how I like, you want me to drive different, go drive yourself.